My Ghosts
by Yami Kitsune Fairy
Summary: AU kagmir saninu, kag lives with ghosts in her soul they use her to write down thier lasts memories, miroku helps her out, watching over her through her ghost spells, but can he keep it to himself when her spells become violent...
1. These are my Ghosts

These words come spilling out like un-predicted thoughts they seem like a stranger took hold of my brain and is using it to get out frustrated eloquent thoughts at any given moment. I cant seem to control them its as if they are memories of a distant past anecdotes from another life or better yet another world in which I am obviously not apart of. I feel like an outsider to my own mind like I'm watching from the outside pondering what might happen next, this unconscious awareness must carry over to the "real" world as I like to dub it, the world that exists outside my mind that other people stop and pay head to with normal lives. But they don't have these… memories…these ghosts, as you will, living inside of them. They can tell that I am not like them, always carrying a note book, loose clothing with plenty of pockets to carry pencils and pens around for when the ghosts stir they have a way to relieve them selves, and a loose vacant look on my face analyzing everything that is happening inside my mind and out. But I guess I owe these "ghosts" a bit of credit I don't know where I would be without them for they are the reason I can even afford to live, I use them as muses for a better excuse, their writings are collected in short stories that are very popular with their old new world feel.

But despite everything I can live with being a visitor to my mind just casually taking a glance in every now and then to make sure the "ghosts" have not broken anything or damaged anything I need, but then again they are the more permanent dwellings so I have no say really. They can do as they want I won't stop them after all, I really do enjoy having these ghosts, I don't care about being a societies out cast or even unable to maintain a stable healthy relationship, as long as I have my ghosts then I am fine because they won't leave me… I hope… so I figured I would write a memoir for some unfortunate stranger to find after I am gone…

Re-reading her opening paragraph realizing that some of the words did not make sense, but that was to be expected that's what always happened on her first drafts, going back rearranging words and completing sentences she sighed. Staring at the laptop for just a moment longer she snapped it shut with a little more force then necessary. Gathering up her things, the library room was stifling, with the broken air conditioner sweat started to gather on her fore head. Kagome Higurashi placed on an old weathered fedora, secured battered headphones to her ears and took off down the crowded street, diving further into the dense city. As she walked further into the dense city cars were slowly replaced with people on the street bustling and trampling to get where they need to be. Turning down a small one way side street that people would never notice, the noise from the main street faded as she made her way down the shaded street. Stepping into a small old historic building that the block seems to be built around, she set her hat, keys, and mp3 player on the table, kicked her shoes off, and bounded toward the living room. Flopping down on the couch she could hear the messages beeping on her machine, reaching up, she groped around for the beeping contraption.

"You have 3 new messages… First message… Kagomeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!" she rolled over and groaned at the sound of the voice, ' It's Rin, I was wondering if you wanted to go for lunch and possibly discuss your new book…'" she sighed, not that she hated publisher she was just too…too… perky yeah that was the nice word for it. "Second message… 'Kag where that hell have you been, you better be out side of that god damn house of yours, not just avoiding me, or else I will drag you out of there myself, give me a call back you know my number Inuyasha'" she this time groaned and let a muffled scream into a throw pillow she loved him dearly really she did like the over protective obsessive older brother she never had but god damn it he drove her insane. "Final Message… 'Kaaaaaaagooooooomeeeeee its Sango obviously you are not there or else I wouldn't be talking to your answering machine..' she could feel a head ache coming Sango's messages were never to the point she would ramble for ever unless it was important the message had been going for 3 minuets now… "'well I was just calling to see if you wanted to go out tonight with me and Inuyasha give me a call back love ya boi boi'… End Messages." Kagome rolled over facing the back of her couch the floral prints seemed interesting for the moment, she knew what was coming she felt herself slipping, a ghost was taking over… and she smiled she wondered what was going to be written this time…

_We were young we were naïve we didn't know what was right side up or facing down. We were rebels with out a cause and we loved it. We thought we had everything figured out love is for losers who weren't strong enough to be independent, work was something we were brainwashed into doing, and that we could rule our own little world. These were the theories we lived by and by George himself we did we were stupid, we had managed to get our hands on some Moonshine, we pooled our money made a few well made connections and bam just like that we had an entire gallon of Moonshine. We were proud of ourselves of course why wouldn't we be we out smarted the Government. Johnny took his parents car and we piled into it, Anthony and Scott in the back seat guarding the booze like precious cargo and I sat in the front the wind whipping my hair…_

The room started to swirl back into view from above, Kagome looked down at her hands testing them out as if they were the first time she actually used them. Looking around for the disturbance, her ghosts were easily spooked (oddly enough she thought sarcastically), she noticed her front door opened another sigh escaped her lips she seemed to be doing that a lot today.

"What did I tell you about leaving the front door open," a head poked its way out from the kitchen despite the mouth full of food it tried talking anyways

"Iff I fiid ii aain you woul' ut frigge prigleges" Kagome sighed again this time at the knowledge that she actually understood what the sentence translated to 'If I did it again you would cut refrigerator privileges'

"Yes Miroku and what did you just do…" His eyes darted toward the front door with guilty speed as if willing the door to be shut by the time he looked over, swallowing his food he grinned sheepishly

"I um…possibly could have left the door open in my rush to be with you…?" Kagome shook her head and rolled over on her couch she couldn't muster up the energy to mad at him right now.

"This is the last chance you get…" she managed to mumble as her eyes slid shut sleep over coming her… her dreams weren't even her own she dreamed stranger's dreams but that's what she loved it was like watching an old black and white TV…

Miroku looked at her curled up figure, he knew there was something up with her since the first time he met her in High school. He padded slowly over to the couch sitting on the arm; he leaned over her brushing a lock of hair that escaped her loose braid… his eyes softened as he let his hand drop to cup her cheek. He only wished he could help her, he wished that he could tell her how much he really cared for her. Draping the quilt from behind the couch over her he let a wistful sigh out and turned to leave the room. The phone started to ring again looking panicked that it might have woken her up he dove for it and whispered furiously into the receiver

"Kagome's phone, this is Miroku…"

"OI what are you doing there you lazy S.O.B, you better not be raiding her 'fridge again!" Miroku rolled his eyes and made a hasty retreat to the kitchen

"Nice to talk to you too Inuyasha, Kagome is sleeping she will prolly be out for a bit, she had one of her 'spells' again" there was a pause on the phone followed by a sigh

"Alright man, just tell her to call me or else Sango wont stop bitchin',"

"I will, later" he placed the phone down, and walked back into the living room, he would find out what was wrong with her…


	2. Help me

Kagome woke up, stifling a yawn she held up her watch to her face the fading numbers told her it was now time to buy a new battery and that it was just about 6 pm, that was a nice 4 hour power nap. Miroku probably left for work by now, she almost forgot he had work, getting off her couch she walked into the kitchen she picked up her phone and decided to call Inuyasha back. But first some food… looking in the 'fridge to see what Miroku left behind, opening the door she let out a squeal and swung the whole door almost off its hinges, there in the middle of her fridge was a platter of Swedish Meat balls, mashed potatoes, and green beans. It was one of her favorite dishes, he was probably saying sorry for leaving the front door open. Placing the dish inside her oven, she hummed happily, Miroku was the best cook ever he worked for a 3 star restaurant in the middle of the city, and he made sure she never went hungry because she could not cook to save the world. She was kidding when she told him she would revoke his kitchen rights because that would punish her too. But she did kick him out of the house temporarily when he threw out her microwave. No matter what explanation about the negative effects and how the taste is altered would she ever forgive him. Wondering what he left for dessert she opened her 'fridge again and saw a fresh fruit tart she was in heaven. Picking up her phone she finally decided to call Inuyasha

"'Allo Inuyasha's phone Sango here,"

"Hey Sango its Kagome…"

"OH MY GOD INU IT'S KAGOME!!!" Kagome took the receiver away from her ear as fast as she could she could hear yelling in the back ground and she giggled they were so cute together.

"What are you telling me for talk to her!"

"Oh yeah" Kagome let another string of giggles out.

"Hi Sango"

"Kagome where have you been you disappeared for a week!"

"I was around writing you know how I get"

"Pff, that's no excuse, but any ways you are coming to the club tonight with me and Inuyasha then you are crashing at my house. Be ready in an hour." Before Kagome could protest the phone clicked off. This isn't how she wanted to spend her night, wanted to vegetate in front of the TV with the radio on writing while enjoying Miroku's food. Not that she didn't like the club she liked it as much as the next person but she did not want to go with Sango, for some reason she had it in her head Kagome needed a boyfriend and every time they went to the club Sango would try to hook her up with random guys. Plowing through her food, savoring it as much as possible, saving the fruit tart for later, she rushed into her bed room, banged open her closet door, staring at the clothes she felt like she was watching from above with other people. She smiled; her ghosts were visiting her, her hands reached out on its own grabbing a pen and pad she started to write.

_Left alone I found my way, there was no other way, I was so blind, I was so foolish, how could I ignore the present in front of me. You were always there rooting and caring from the side line supporting me when I needed it. But how could I have not noticed that it was you I needed all along how could I have been so blind… I love you... _

Kagome felt partial control come back as she looked down a tear slide its way down her eye, she felt these emotions so strongly, once more her arms moved on their own and reached into the closet, pulling out a dark purple scope neck, black cargo Capri's, and black wedge canvas sandals. She felt herself slipping back into her body, but as she felt her mind she could still feel the ghosts, she smiled she loved when this happened she could take a back seat and let things go as they please. An old soul took over, she smiled pulling on her clothes, she felt her hands run a comb through her hair, light mascara, eye liner, and lip gloss were applied and her hair was clipped half up in a crystal barrette. She smiled at her reflection, it was simple and she could slip in a pencil and mini note book in the cargo pockets.

Walking into her living room she pulled her cell phone off its charger and into one of her many pockets. Sitting down on her couch once more relishing in its comfortable fuzzy synthetic fabric, closing her eyes preparing for when Sango would come barging through the door with Inuyasha. Looking at her clock which would happen in exactly 30 seconds she braced herself for impact. SLAM she winced as the door hit the rubber stopper before it hit the wall.

"KAGOOOOME," she couldn't help but smile as her friend leapt over her couch and onto her lap. Inuyasha stood by the door watching the two friends interact. These were the two most important women in his life he would be nothing with out them, as they approached him he couldn't help the small smile that graced his normal pissed off features. Sango looped an arm through his and the other through Kagome's and led them out the door.

They entered the club the music pounding into their heads, Kagome wanted to turn and run, but Sango had a steady hold on her arm.

"Come on we only just got here at least dance and have a few drinks," Sango shouted with a plea over the music. Kagome shrugged and made her way over to the bar.

"Coke and rum!" she managed to shout to the bartender slapping a 10 on the counter. Taking her drink she made her way to her usual corner seat. She could feel the music vibrating through her she like this band…

"_I'm not a spaceman, but on the other hand  
I never really did fit in as well  
There's lots of misfits, the one's that don't fit  
I know that you know that you know who you are_…"

She felt a tap on her shoulder, 'The first looser of the night' turning around ready to turn the poor sap down her eyes widened in shock…

"Kouga?!"

"The one and only" his smirk firmly in place just like it was the last time she saw him, she couldn't help but laugh.

"Nothings changed I see" she said with a smile

"Nah, not too much, I just came to get the infamous author Kagome Higurashi's autograph or is she beyond that now," he teased

"No, who should I make it out to, Kouga, my biggest stalker ever?" they both shared a laugh

"Well then I shall take back my original intentions of asking you for a dance," with a fake pout.

"Aw Kouga, I know your over that phase," he grinned and dragged her by the hand onto the dance floor. They moved in a comfortable rhythm with each other as the music played on.

"Inu, look over at Kagome look who is back," Sango said Inuyasha looked past Sango and started to growl.

"What the fuck I thought that mangy wolf was gone for good!"

"I know but look at Kagome I think she might be enjoying herself,"

"Feh … don't you dare Sango I would rather have her dating Miroku then the lousy wolf," Sango looked innocently up at her boyfriend.

"That can be arranged…" Inuyasha glared down at her

"Don't even think about interfering with her love life remember what happened last time…" Sango pouted

"That only happened once and he seemed decent enough…"

"Yeah until we had to put a restraining order up…"

"I said I was sorry," Inuyasha smiled and kissed his girlfriend

"I know just let her be she seems to have finally found a good spot she is in,"

"Yeah I now I just want her to be happy," Inuyasha smiled and kissed his girlfriend again.

"Let's get going, let's head to your place," Inuyasha and Sango slowly danced their way through the sea of crowded dancing people to Kagome.

"Hey Kagome we are leaving," Sango shouted

"K!" Turning around she smiled to Kouga

"It was nice seeing you again, look me up ok and we'll go out for food sometime,"

"I'll be sure to do that," he grinned at her as she left looking up he saw Inuyasha who smirked at him before flipping him off.

Out side of the club Kagome and Sango slapped him up-side the head as they made their way to Sango's house. Kagome smiled as she watched her two best friends banter, maybe she could write her own book with out her ghosts with out the fog that comes with her writing, it would be about… she paused for a moment… what would it be about…? As she pondered this she felt a ghost whispering in her head and she frowned. It wouldn't stop over and over and over again _It's your fault…_her hand started to twitch, reaching over she steadied it with her other one. Why was this happening now, she was just a block from her house now, there was no way she could stay at Sango's during one of her 'spells'. She looked ahead and saw them staring back at her she clutched her arm even tighter.

"Hey guys I'm not feeling well I think I am just going to go back to my house," she smiled weakly as they bid her good bye. She turned on her heal and made off to a brisk walk back to her house. This wasn't good, the fog around her mind was growing heavier, and heavier, images started to come forth playing like a static television. Stumbling into her house she tripped into her living room, her vision swimming, she looked at the clock quickly, 1 am. Pain quickly shook her entire body…as she nearly missed her couch as she fell

"Help me…,"

AN- ok I didn't realize in my first chapter I didn't put my authors note down here…by the by be fore I forget again I don't own anything nor will I ever I'm just a poor pastry chef in training in debt up to my eye balls….now that that's over… oh and the song is by powerman 5000, only put in the first verse cause i think it's a waist to put in the whole song cause who honestly stops and reads them…:;;;

I found the will to write again and well this is the first thing that popped into my mind it wont be a long story maybe 10 chapters give or take something manageable lol I know the characters are kind of ooc but hey that usually comes with the territory of au… I will be up dating once a week preferably when I have time… which I have in abundance… for the moment being but it feels great to be writing again how ever crappy it is coming out… this is my first time writing in ages…as it probably shows I am getting my bearings back so stay with me for a the first couple chapters I promise that they will improve hopefully (though I am sad I didn't get any reviews for the first chapter though I can deal…). I know Miroku wasn't in this chapter he will have a bigger part in the next chapter I just don't it to be bam he's doin' her like a jack rabbit lol This is my first time posting with out consulting my huggable lovable squishy partner in this obsession(not so much on the lovable huggable squishy part but I love her none the less)… so I am not sure how the grammar is or if its even a good idea she usually gives everything the thumbs up first lol I think I should talk to her about this now so let me go do that and thank you for sticking around for the second chapter or with me for that matter…. THANK YOU


	3. It's All My Fault

Miroku grumbled to himself he could not wait until his shift was over. Normally he did not mind being on the sauté station, he could manage his space wisely, he even shared a burner with the kid Shippo on sauces and stocks, and if he timed it properly when the runner shouted an order at him, he could even let the head Patisserie on one of his precious five remaining burners to make more pastry cream or use Shippo's stock as a double boiler for melting chocolate. But tonight he couldn't wait for it all to be over with because Jakostu was working, and when ever he was working Miroku wanted to cover his ass and hide. Jakostu had a bad tendency to grab Miroku's ass as he walked by running to and from the grill, and always seemed to let his fingers wander more then they should, as of currently Miroku had the biggest wedgie of his life. Miroku stopped for a moment maybe this was how the girls he groped felt….nah couldn't be he smiled and checked the clock once more, it read 10 just two more hours. He smiled maybe he would go to Kagome's tonight surprise her maybe he would 'accidentally' fall asleep on her couch with her again his smile broadened, it wasn't his fault after all, that she had some sort of vendetta against her bed and slept on the couch…

Walking down the street he was livid he hated the general public A LOT right now, Miroku detached himself from being apart of the general public after all he wasn't really apart of that normal click. He let a depressed sigh and looked at his watch as it illuminated itself down the narrow side street to Kagome's home 1:30 in the god damn morning. There was a last minuet call, at 11:45 of a party of 14 coming wishing for a full course meal, and like hell was the money grubbing owner going to turn them down, over time was a bitch when ten of the fourteen orders came in for his station. People sucked, really bad in his opinion right now, but he smiled as his feet climbed up the front steps of her house. He reached for his keys; she always locked and dead bolted the door after nine. Sliding his key into the slot the door pushed open with out him even turning the lock, cold blood ran through his veins, shoving the door open hearing bang against the rubber stopper, the lights were off but he didn't need them on to navigate through the house. Running fearfully into the living room he barley managed to flick the light on in his haste. His heart stopped and lodged itself in his throat.

Her figure was sprawled out over the couch, she looked deathly white, he couldn't tell if she was breathing or not his mind went into panic mode.

"Kagome!" as time seemed to resume itself he leapt over the vintage couch. Grabbing her body he placed her on his lap her body felt cold, quickly picking up her wrist he grabbed he pressed his fingers to her pulse, it was a slow rhythmic beat that made him sigh in relief. Looking down at her face he pressed his hand to her fore head, which was ice cold. Taking her hand in his he could feel her fingers moving he looked down at her what could possibly be going on…

_'This is all your fault…' the words kept growing stronger, a pain was growing in her arm. Looking around the darkness of her mind felt like it was suffocating her, the darkness started to swirl as a memory came into view…_

_A woman was sitting at a bar a clear glass was filled with a dark amber liquid sitting next to her was a burly man, who seemed to have had one too many drinks. Kagome stepped closer to the bar, the woman looked identical to her except for some minor differences. She looked over to the man who had flushed blood vessel popped checks._

_"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT," he managed to scream at the woman who just ignored him as he stormed out of the bar. She let out a sigh, and knocked back the amber liquid in one down, waving the bar keep over for another. Kagome sat down next to her and had to wonder what was her fault, the woman threw the paper that was on the bar against the wall. Looking over the papers head lines "Man Killed in Fire… Source of Fire Seem's to be Man Made," her eyes widened as she looked at the woman's arm with half healed burns. She watched the woman slap some bills on the counter, and walk out past her. Hurrying after her out the door, she ran after her into the alley she turned down. Kagome froze in her spot all the air left her as if some one knocked it out of her, looking down the alley she saw the woman get sucker punched, Kagome saw the burly man holding a box cutter her eyes widened her voice wouldn't work she couldn't scream! She couldn't look away as the man brought it down across the woman's throat in one swift motion. As time slowed down, the man looked up and seemed to look directly at her with a sadistic smile. She felt the suffocating dark consume her, "NO!" this couldn't be right "NOOOO!" this wasn't happening where did all of her other ghosts go...! The dark seemed to circle in on her as if to cut out the remaining air in her body…_

"NOOOO!" Kagome shot up from her bed; her scream tore through her house making Miroku run into the room from the kitchen with his apron still on. Kagome looked at him and smiled until she started coughing, looking down at her hands were botches of blood. She frowned down into her hands before quickly twisting them into the sheets. Smiling up at Miroku, Kagome knew what was coming and she didn't feel like getting grilled for information right now, especially by Miroku, for one reason she could never lie to him… he could always tell when she did or was going to. Her smile left her face as she looked into his eyes for the first time, his violet eyes were frozen in time, the normal chipper perversion was gone, left with fear and worry... making him look ten years older. A tear slid its way down her cheek, before she could reach up to brush it off, he was at her side his thumb wiping it away, that was all it took for her to break down.

Miroku looked down at the sobbing girl in his arms, this was a first, he never saw Kagome break down like this before. Gently wrapping his arms around her he could hardly make out what she was saying between the sobs and the violent hiccupping.

"Miroku…sob… it was so…hiccup…bad, I just w-w-watched… sob…and and and and IT WAS MY FAULT…hiccup… I tried… I reallllly…hic…TRIED…but… but I COULDN'T …hic…speak" Miroku couldn't figure out what was wrong with the shattered sentence she could barley string together, she slumped further into his embrace and he held her tighter. He knew she was going to fall asleep again but that was ok she needed her rest. He tucked her back into bed smiling gently at her relaxed face no longer distraught as it had been in the past couple hours. Turning he got up from the bed, but a read stain on her normal pale blue sheets stood out like a sore thumb, he couldn't hold the dark frown that marred his features. He needed to know and the next time she woke up he was going to find out. Standing up with his manly resolve he left the room still wearing the frilly lacy pink '50s apron to tend to the soufflé he had abandoned to attend to Kagome when she screamed. He sighed as he entered the kitchen, he knew she was hiding things from him and she would tell him when the time came to it. But as he opened the oven door, he let another sigh out, her 'spells' had never been this bad before and he was getting to the end of a really, really long stick worth of patience over the years. Pulling out his pans he glanced over to her room once more, he would get her to tell him the next time she woke up.

Sorry for the wait but I had to attend graduation which was a waste if time x.x then I had huge work week and there are a lot more excuses I could put here but oh well… but I didn't mind puting this fic off cause no one has yet to review and I'm a little sad but I will continue this no matter what because I made a promise that I would finish something AND I WILL for all the none believers…. But any who enjoy there will be fluff A LOT of fluff next chapter I love fluff it will be so fluffy that I can put it in my pate a choux lmao that was lame but any who thank you once more for having faith in me and staying with me for this long I appreciate it with all my heart 3333 I wont make any more promises on when I will update cause when ever I do I never do so I wont jinx it amymore but sorry for the belatedness of the chapter it was summer and hey I had no motivation for anything…. But on with the show


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